Going Forward

Happily Ever After-Is it Real?

Happily Ever After

---Is it real?

                Last night I was told that no matter how many sappy love stories I watch it doesn’t matter. There is no happily ever after. It doesn’t exist. Everything will be crappy anyways.  I have mulled this over all through the night.  Is there a happily ever after?  What does happily ever after mean? I will venture out with my thoughts as I mull this important concept to my understanding.

                Yes, I watch sappy love stories on Hallmark.  I have DVR capability and will record them and watch them over and over.  Yes, I cry at most the happy endings. Sometimes I think of how I would end the story differently.  Yes, I cry at tender commercials. I am moved by people working together to find a solution and I cry in joy of their success and not all those movies are sappy love stories.  Yes, I feel concern for strangers I play online games with that I never talk to. And yes, I even see people in restaurants and feel for them and hope they are happy in their circumstances.  Sometimes I even make up a story just from observing them and I end their ‘story’ happily ever after. I even have a wooden plaque above my blended family with the words ‘And they lived happily ever after’.

I feel strongly that the human element of caring and of compassion and loving are emotionally sound. I am so sensitive to these feelings, always have been.  They are definitely core values for me and naturally I see them in most, if not all, that I observe or encounter. It is like second nature to me. My Poppa always made sure when he took me out to dinner that they seated us in a position where I could observe the people.  He knew before I even knew how important this observation of human element was to me.  Does happily ever after mean constant bliss and no problems?  I think that is where people get confused about this concept.

When I see a couple ride off into the sunset or kiss at the end of the movie I usually cry and think they will live happily ever after but I do not think it will be sappy happy every moment from that moment on.  The challenges that confronted them will be there still. Issues of being poor to becoming rich will pose some interesting problems.  They may find out that the person they adore actually squeezes the toothpaste wrong or they do not know how to put on a roll of toilet paper. Maybe, the person being held so lovingly at the end of the movie doesn’t rinse out their dishes and maybe not even get them off the table after dinner. They may even think that taking out the trash and outside work is the man’s job and taking care of children and the inside of the house is the woman’s job.  What if they come from a house that yells a lot or a house that the silent treatment is the weapon of choice? Can there really be happiness in any of this? Is one any different from the other?

 This can be serious as it is noted some people that thought they loved someone abandoned that love for such minor infractions.  What makes the difference between that sappy love and these vital minor habits of humans? It is an important question.  I think it is the question that causes some people to not believe in happily ever after. Life does not always go the way you think it will.  You will not be happy all the time. With some effort, I still believe you can live happily ever after. I have talked with older couples and am left with my jaw hanging open as they share their life experiences that are full of harshness and tragedy just in trying to survive. They are so happy and content and grateful they lived through it all together. They then grab the hand of their sweetheart and love shines through and that says happily ever after to me. We live in a world that we are exposed too much and we put food on our table with very little effort. People seem to forget that most of the food they buy and zap in a microwave actually came from a real farm or ranch initially.  It takes hard work and great dedication to produce the fruit, vegetables, and meat that people eat but that leads to other stories. The meaning of it in this story is toil and strife do not take away a person’s happy ending.

There is not constant joy in happily ever after.  Life is full of mundane tasks, mindless moments, frustrations and irritations. Children and teens want entertainment all the time. If it’s not fun they want no part of it. They can be at Disneyland having a great adventure and before you get to the car of the long incredible day one of them will say, ‘I’m bored.’  Funny, as adults most feel the same way but realize now that other things must get done and hopefully some fun will get put in the mix. Not much tolerance is given to the adult that isn’t responsible first and fun later in many circles.

So at the risk of being sappy, I still believe in happily ever after. I have always had that hope deep in my heart.  From the time I made a marriage promise in 4^th grade to this very moment I yearn to know that love lasts.  It is something many of us hope for and live our lives for.  It is not as allusive as it seems.  Sadly, we get so consumed in life that we do not live. We get so exhausted that we tolerant nothing and accept little that deviates from our daily grind.  That is when life gets empty and we have no thoughts of happy let alone ever after.  We just want to live through another day and stay on schedule with least interruption as possible. Life definitely becomes frustrating and mundane.

The gift is that with all the challenges life brings we still take time, even a moment, to be truly happy. You know the viral video of the old man singing to his sweet wife and you watch it with tears or at least a lump in your throat. You ache to know if love can really last that long and that pure.  The mundane tasks, the irritations of things being done differently, the give and take that every relationship needs can turn to magic in a moment when you can look at the person you chose to be at your side and find one good thing about them and be grateful. Laugh with them, talk to them, help them, accept them, believe in them, enjoy them, romance them, and you will find that all can truly live happily ever after in real life and not just in wonderful sappy movies.